She equips herself with strength [spiritual, mental, and physical fitness for her God-given task] And makes her arms strong. Proverbs 31:17 (AMP)

*Transcription Below*

Questions We Discuss:

You believe kids thrive on high expectations and you became determined to parent your children "as if they were inherently strong, not inherently weak." . . how did this epiphany launch you into a 12-month experiment with your kids?
What list did you create for your "Top Twelve Things a Kid Should Know Before Flying the Wyma Coop"?
Now that some of your children have grown and launched, how do they look back on this experiment?

Kay Wyma is a mom, blogger, vodcaster, and author of four books in which she has tackled, with candor and humor, some of the troubling societal issues that impact us all. Kay's writings have led her to appearances on TODAY, CNN, Hallmark's Home & Family, and more. Before staying at home with her kids, she held positions at the White House and Bank of America. She lives in Dallas, Texas, with her husband and five kids. Connect with Kay at kaywyma.com or on Instagram @kaywyma.

At The Savvy Sauce, we will only recommend resources we believe in! We also want you to be aware: We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

Cleaning House: A Mom's Twelve-Month Experiment to Rid Her Home of Youth Entitlement

Thank You to Our Sponsor: Midwest Food Bank

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Gospel Scripture: (all NIV)

Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”

Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”

Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.”

Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.”

Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”

John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”

Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”

Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”

Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.”

Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.”

Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“

Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“

Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

*Transcription*

[00:00:00] <music>

Laura Dugger: Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host, Laura Duggar, and I'm so glad you're here.

Laura Dugger: Thank you to an anonymous donor to Midwest Food Bank, who paid the sponsorship fee in hopes of spreading awareness. Learn more about this amazing nonprofit organization at MidwestFoodBank.org.

Kay Wyma is my guest today, and she's going to share some of her lessons from parenting. She is full of great ideas. We're going to hear how one idea was so impactful, it actually turned into an experiment, which eventually was published in her book, Cleaning House: A Mom's Twelve-Month Experiment to Rid Her Home of Youth Entitlement.

Here's our chat.

Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, Kay.

Kay Wyma: Thank you so much for having me. I just love The Savvy Sauce and everything about it.

Laura Dugger: Oh, well, thank you for that. I just can't wait to talk about this parenting experiment that turned into a book. [00:01:21] But first, let's go back into your childhood. What was your family of origin like?

Kay Wyma: Well, you know, I grew up in West... well, sort of West Texas. Texas is so big, and the plains go on and on. I lived in a relatively small city that was the big city for that part of Texas. And, you know, just kind of that regular life of lovely boredom throughout the summer, where you had to go find something to do. I played tennis, so I'd walk to the tennis court every day and hang out with my friends.

It was very regular in so many aspects. But life in the world was going on around just like it is today. I grew up in the 70s, and there was a lot of interesting stuff. I mean, we had major inflation during that period. There was war going on when I... you know, with my father, even. When he was a young dad, we had conflicts going on with Vietnam. [00:02:23]

You had all kinds of things that were significant going on around us. But I think sometimes you look back, like even remembering that cable television came to our town when I was... I think I had to have been in grade school. It was a small enough city where everyone was up in arms because they thought it was going to ruin everybody's life. Like you were bringing in hell into the city.

Which is so interesting because of all the things that we have that surround us now that could make us scared or that could make us go, this is the worst time ever to be having kids or to be growing up in. The truth is, every age and stage has things about it that inherently within all of them there's nothing new under the sun.

I love that question because I think it's good to look back and you go, so much of what you'll remember is idyllic. In many cases, more than anything, if you're thinking back on it, you made it through it. I think perspective is a really powerful tool that is worth tapping into and worth finding the truth in all of it. [00:03:30] And the truth being you made it through. The truth being that you are seen and the Lord has plans for you, no matter what time period you're in or what house you were brought up in.

Laura Dugger: Now that we know a little bit about your upbringing, will you also share about your own family, both presently and the stage that you were in when you wrote the book, Cleaning House?

Kay Wyma: Okay. So we have five kids. The ages right now are 24 to 14. When I wrote the book, the oldest was 14. So, you know, 13, 14. Because when you write a book, it takes about a year to do that. So it's interesting to think back on that.

We have a lovely life. I mean, I love my kids. I was telling one of them yesterday that one of the greatest gifts I was given through all of this, and I think partly through Cleaning House, is realizing that these people that walk life next to you are human beings.

I think in this world of parenting and thinking about those types of topics, it's easy to objectify a kid or a person, which really is not a good thing to do. [00:04:37] Through letting go of a lot of that, which you objectify through performance or determining worth based on an outcome of something or the way that you look, all kinds of things like that, that we just inherently do, just being on this planet.

But letting go a lot of that allowed me to genuinely like my kids and the people I'm next to. It is really sweet to be able to travel this interesting road of parenting where you do have to have a sense of roles and authority, but the amazing aspect of loving each other through it is so powerful and probably the sweetest part of having family around you.

And one other thing, just about being a mom, I think it's one of the greatest gifts in a large part because it's one of the only times in your life that you, for a huge portion of your life, are serving other people and your eyes are not on yourself. And I'm like, I think that's the biggest gift because you don't have that in the workplace. [00:05:39] You're always thinking about what you have to do to get the next bonus or raise or whatever, or even to keep your job. Or even in school, it's always about grades.

I remember one day waking up going, this mom gig is a good thing because it forces your eyes off of yourself, which seems to always be a gift.

Laura Dugger: Yes. Like you said, what a great positive perspective. If I'm doing the math correctly, when you wrote this book, your children ranged in age from 4 to 14.

Kay Wyma: Yeah.

Laura Dugger: Okay. I remember you saying that you believe kids thrive on high expectations and you became determined to parent your children as if they were inherently strong, not inherently weak. How did that epiphany launch you into this 12-month experiment with your kids?

Kay Wyma: You know, it probably all started because of the experiment. And the experiment was hilarious. I decided that most things in my life, if there's a change that's coming off of some rotten attitude of me, and I really honestly was frustrated with one of the kids. [00:06:46]

I mean, I was driving down the road and this 14-year-old next to me looked over and said, "Which one of these cars would I look good in?" Because we were literally the meat in a luxury car sandwich. There was a Porsche on our right and a Lexus on the left and a Maserati in front of us, which honestly, I had heard that name before, but I didn't know what it was. But the kid did.

I was sort of like swallowing the vomit in my throat going, Ew, like really? I'm sitting there thinking of how many times we had gone to serve people and I'm like, Stuff doesn't make you who you are. And so I was grossed out by that. I came home and I also had a conversation with my sister-in-law in the car going, "This is so gross. Can you believe this?" Her kid had acted the same way that morning, who was bordering a young adult.

I came home, all the dishes were out, the beds were unmade, I mean, everything. And I just was like, "What's going on here?" Because I had taught them how to do those things. [00:07:42] With five kids, it just kind of gets a life of its own, you know? I looked around going, gosh, they're looking to me to serve them. Like they're looking to me to do all this stuff.

I sat down on the couch and I was like, "Yes, they're looking to the state to serve them." And I was like, "Oh my gosh, that's socialism. And I'm grooming it in my house and I don't even like it," you know? And so it made me go, "I'm done with this." I literally went through the house. Like behind me was the kitchen. I was sitting there going, "Yep, they don't really know what goes on in that room." The laundry room was next to it. And I was like, "Yeah, they think that the clothes magically appear in their drawers," you know?

Even though through the years I had shown them this stuff, I hadn't genuinely put it on their plate. Honestly, Laura, it was that. So I did it because I was mad. I was sort of like, "I'm going to show them." And I sort of drew the line in the sand, which is terrible, because when you do, you have to follow through. I mean, I think I regretted it the minute I was like, "Here's what we're going to do." [00:08:43]

But it didn't take long to realize that there really was an issue at play. And it was this issue of entitlement. And entitlement tells a person really that they can't do anything, that everything has to be done for them. That is such a cruel mentality, because you're basically stealing from somebody their identity.

The way I realized that was really on our first task, because I kind of went around the house, you know, you will be cooking dinner now and you'll be doing the yard work or getting a job, all kinds of things that kind of, that made up the 12 months. And it was in that very first month when... you know, just the cooking.

There's tips in the book of even how to make a change in your house and stuff like that, which I got from an older, wiser woman that was ahead of me in life. But our first task was making dinner. The poor youngest kid was slow on the uptake and got landed in the first dinner. [00:09:42]

It was literally going to the grocery store with this kid who had even a worse attitude than I did. I mean, just bellyaching, announcing to everyone how mean his mother was, that she was making him cook dinner. And it was so beautiful because a neighbor stopped us as we were walking in and he was like, "What's going on, little man." And he was like, "My mother's making me cook dinner." And he goes, "Well, look at me." And he was holding two bags. And he was like, "I'm making dinner in my house," which instantly was sort of like, Well, hold on a second.

You know, it took it from some terrible task, you know, to like, hold on a second, this man is doing that? It completely changed his mindset right then and there. Our entire experience in the grocery store transformed from something being done to him to being done for him, which I mean, even saying that Laura, I'm like, welcome to our life with the Lord.

We feel like these things that He puts on our plate are done to us, but they're actually for us. [00:10:47] And the kid that walked into that grocery store was different than the kid that walked out. The kid that walked out had a sense of well-being and had a sense of purpose and it fed so much life into him. He was 8 years old. So I'm just telling you an 8-year-old can't make this stuff up. You know, little kids can't fake it.

As he even made dinner that night, he had such... it was like someone had given him an IV of like, I don't know, some sort of... it was like an intensity of power. Like I can do this. And he started to see things not as like... you know, I used to think of it like if there was a mountain off in the distance, he didn't ever see that as an obstacle. It turned from that to an opportunity.

And that's where I was like, wait a second, this is significant. Our society is telling you check your kid's homework, make sure everything's done, pave the road in front of them. [00:11:49] It's gone from helicoptering to snow plowing. I mean, and even into their adult years. When I was writing this, I was floored at what people were telling me.

Like there was an HR group at a large companies that said that they had to deal with the parents being on the phone of their young adult person interviewing for a job, which it's like, seriously, has it come to that where I'd have to make sure my child was answering their interview questions? I don't even know. I don't know where to go with that. But I know it's out of love that we do these things.

And so it's like, dare we out of love, see what they can do because these kids, they're amazing people. They can do so much more than they think they can do, but they can do exponentially more than we think they can do. And if we can let go of the fear and be able to lean into things that take a little bit of time and sometimes some failure, what comes out on the other side, it's significant. [00:12:51] It invites a person to be able to live in their purpose and gifting.

Laura Dugger: And now a brief message from our sponsor.

Sponsor: This sponsorship message is unique because an anonymous donor to Midwest Food Bank paid the sponsorship fee in hopes of spreading awareness. Midwest Food Bank works to alleviate hunger and poverty throughout the world by gathering food donations and distributing them to nonprofit agencies and disaster sites.

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Thanks to the generosity of donors, the valuable work of volunteers, and most importantly, the blessings of God, Midwest Food Bank shares the blessings worldwide. More than $360 million worth of food was distributed this past year. This is done from their 10 United States and two international locations.

To learn more about Midwest Food Bank, to make a donation, or to see what volunteer opportunities are available, please visit them at MidwestFoodBank.org.

Laura Dugger: Will you now lay out the overview of your 12-month experiment to rid your home of youth entitlement? Specifically, if somebody has the book, I'm looking at the list from page 11, which, Kay, is what you've said are the top 12 things a kid should know before flying the Wyma Coupe.

Kay Wyma: Before I start, I just want to say that this was my list. These were the things that I was kind of like, what do I want my kids to know? You know, what is it that's sort of bothering me? When I went through it, I really was sort of like in their life, what would be a good thing for them to know how to do? So here are my top 12 things. And I put it as before flying the Wyma Coupe.

So how to make a bed and maintain an orderly room, how to cook and clean, how to work in the kitchen, how to do yard work. By the way, on that one, I'm terrible. I feel for the plant that comes in this house because I kill it. [00:15:28]

So on that was the first one where I was like, you don't have to know how to do it in order to learn how to do it and teach them how to do it. And now they teach me. Then following that was how to clean a bathroom. Not organize it, but literally clean it. How to get a job outside of our home. Another was how to do laundry, which includes putting it away. How to do handyman jobs. We had that chapters interesting because that was the good, the bad end, the ugly.

How to host a party because I am from the South and I love for people to know how to invite people over and to treat them well. And then how to work together, how to run errands, how to put others first through service, and how to act mannerly.

These were important things for me. For somebody else's house, you may have this down. Like you totally may have the laundry down. But there may be something that's in your life like that. You go, I really want my kids to know how to do that. [00:16:26]

The yard work is such a powerful example. Because as your kids lives outside your home and they have never participated in yard work, inherently in their mindset, whether you've said it or not, they think that they have to go pay someone to do the yard work. And that could go for any one of these tasks.

If I don't know how to cook, then I'm just going to think that I have to get Uber Eats every day, which Uber Eats did not exist then, but it does now. And it's super easy. And there is even like you're going to hit a point where it may be cheaper to do Uber than it is to go out and get a steak and learn how to cook a steak or whatever it is.

But the key in all of these is inviting your kids into a process. And it doesn't matter how old they are because you know, just looking at this list, I had a 4-year-old at the time. He couldn't do everything, but he sure could do more than I would have thought at that age, even in the kitchen, because you know, it's scary for a little kid to hold a knife.

You stand next to them as they learn how to use these things. [00:17:28] And then you walk further and further away as they know how to do it. It's like when you teach your kid to ride a bike. We don't go outside these days and see a mom running alongside their young adult son as he rides his bike. That would be embarrassing.

And the reason why we don't is because we did that. When they were little, you run alongside them, you help them sit on it, you put training wheels on it and then the training wheels come off. You don't run alongside them because they can ride. And think of the freedom they got when they learned how to ride the bike. That is the same with each one of these tasks.

So I just encourage you, what is it that you want in your own home for your kids to be able to leave knowing how to do so that when they're faced with these things, they don't have noise in their head? Because there's plenty of other stuff to fill up their minds without having to pay any attention to something that they may not know how to do that when they're little and they're faced with these things. [00:18:26] And let me just say, it's highly likely their friends aren't doing it. They're going down these paths and it just gives them confidence. And it's free. It's in your home.

Sadly, every one of these things never end. They do not go away. Today you will do laundry and put it away or the dishes. It just is a never-ending joy that is a delight to share with the people next to you.

Laura Dugger: Well, and Kate, let's just go a bit further with a few of these. Which of the 12 was your favorite and your least favorite?

Kay Wyma: Oh gosh. So my favorite, the one that we just loved so much, was the serving. It happened to fall in December. Again, this wasn't something that I was manipulating or thinking it was going to be a book. I did not have any idea it would be a book.

For some reason I started in January, which I guess is a great place to start new things. [00:19:28] But when we hit December, the task for December was every day you'll do an act of service, and if at all possible, not tell the people, so that it was literally serving.

And it didn't have to be big things. Some of it was that we did as a family together, but a lot of it was little things that seem like they're nothing. Like throwing away the trash at lunch that everybody left out and just quietly doing it and walking on, not making any fanfare.

What that did for each of the children was so, so significant. I've even seen that play out recently in the latest book that I pulled together. Just the power of what comes with doing something for somebody else is so significant. Those absolutely are my favorites.

Laura Dugger: And then if you had to choose a least favorite, even if you're grateful that you did it, which one was the most unpleasant?

Kay Wyma: Oh, you know, probably the yard work. I just am terrible at it. I hope that some of my kids will really enjoy landscaping and doing beautiful things in their yard, but I just am not really great at it. [00:20:40] That sounds ridiculous because it's just yard work. But you can do the things you don't like and do the things that you don't know. And so that's a great lesson in that.

Laura Dugger: And now that you've taught your children those 12 skills, are there any extras that you've added since that initial experiment?

Kay Wyma: You know, no. And here's why. As we went through the 12 little aspects that were the skills I wanted them to learn, I learned through that process as I started doing it, it started with the cleaning the rooms and the beds and then it moved into the kitchen. As we added on, then we moved to yard work and then we went to the bathroom.

When I was doing that, I would have them do the skill they learned before. Like, okay, now we're adding to the whole thing this. And I learned in the middle not to do that because it just became so much. I was starting to make it about the tasks. Because I think we gravitate toward that. [00:21:38] Tell me how to do it and I'll do it. If it's going to be success on the other end, then I'm in. So I was sitting there going, wait a second, I'm making this all about these skills. I want to go to the heart. I don't want it to be about a task.

So there was this stepping away from the task aspect. And I want to really hit that home because this isn't something like, if you do these things, then your kids are going to be great. This is a heart issue that's woven within each one of these skill sets that will make... absolutely they're good for you. It's sort of like, you know, in scripture do these things so that it may go well for you. Because there are things that we can literally do that make our life a little bit better.

But if I'm making my okayness centered around doing these tasks and getting it done well or being sure my kids can do these tasks and do it well, I've lost sight of the human being in the midst of it. And so it became much less about the task even in the middle of doing it and much more about the person and the heart involved along the way. [00:22:44]

There really haven't been things that we've added because it became so much more of a lifestyle and it still is, which I find interesting now that I have our fourth going into college. Our college experience has been so different just because of the pandemic. And so that these kids were equipped in not just knowing how to do it, but this mentality of, I can do it. It's like it's so ingrained in them that even this kid, I was like, have you contacted your advisor? Like, do you sign up for classes? I have no clue what he's doing because he handles it himself. And he was like, I can do this. I've got this covered, you know, all this kind of stuff.

And I'm sitting there in my head thinking of all the moving parts that come into that. And I'm just telling you, there's fear laced in that too. Well, what if he doesn't sign up? You know, there won't be the classes or does he even know where he's living, all these kinds of things that are very regular. [00:23:49]

And then me letting go of whatever's at the core of that, that makes me have a hard time breathing and be able to lean into. He does have this, he knows that we're here to help him if he's stuck. And then that terrible part of like, and if he fails, I know he'll get back up. And how do I know that? Because I've watched it over and over and over and over.

And the getting back up is huge in being able to navigate life. But to have a getting up experience they've had to have fallen. And so that's hard. That's the greatest gift I got from doing this ridiculous experiment that I really do love is that there were gentle falls all along the way. Gentle. So what if they leave the laundry in and forget to put it in the dryer? How many times have we done that? It's a gentle way to allow them to learn. You're going to mess up in this life and it's okay. We all do. But let me tell you something. You can get up. You know how to. And if you don't, I'm next to you to help you. I'm always next to you. But you got this. [00:25:00] You can do this. You can do so much more than you think you can.

Laura Dugger: Thanks to our friend, Joy, The Savvy Sauce.com has been completely updated. And if you follow The Savvy Sauce on social media, you're already aware that we launched a new tab on January 1st titled Articles. I hope you check out these new savvy snacks, which are articles full of quick tips for intentional living. Check out these articles today or join our email list to have them directly delivered to your inbox. Enjoy.

Even in the introduction of your book, I just love this quote that Michael says about you because it is so relatable. He writes, "She, like many of us, was hovering over praising, giving up her authority and actually making her children's lives more difficult in the future by making their lives easier now." So if that was the past Kay, how would you describe the changes that occurred in your parenting since you originally came to that realization? [00:26:06]

Kay Wyma: My favorite part of that because even reading that or hearing you say that again, I'm like, "Whoa, there's stuff I don't love in that." And the word that I really land on is authority. Giving up her authority. Which that could be taken my authority over my children. But I think actually the authority was that was being given up was God's authority over all of this. Because I had started to believe that the grades that they made were going to somehow impact them or the team that they were on or the group that they were in or all the things that we look to to be able to make our kids okay.

When we hand them over to these things, we're actually handing them over to the authority of the world's ways. That, more than anything, had the greatest impact on our parenting is realizing that the authority is the King of kings, the One who sees all and knows all, the One who has woven within each one of these children, because they're His unique gifting and purpose. And He has also given us this amazing ability to love them and to walk alongside them because they're a part of us. [00:27:29]

I think that's the biggest change is realizing that the story is a lot bigger than what we can say and that the world's winning ways they don't win and they don't get to win.

Laura Dugger: I just love your example. First of all, leading with that humility and seeing how far God's brought you, which is really all of our stories of He takes us, you know, when we come as we are and then transforms us hopefully more and more like Christ every day. But this isn't your story anymore where you're making their lives easier now and then it's difficult in the future. It sounds like you've really flipped that where you put the appropriate amount of pressure on them in the younger years and now you're probably getting to reap some of the benefits.

Kay Wyma: Well, what's interesting is that in the younger years, it sounds like you're putting something on their plate, but the truth is they love it. When they're little, their whole fight is like, I'm big. [00:28:26] I can do this. And we're like, "Oh no, no, wait, wait."

So, honestly, you're actually putting fuel in their tank by putting these things on their plate. They love it. It's so good. The hard part comes in the snarky years where they're like, well, I'm not doing this anymore. And to be able to sit next to them and genuinely let them work their way through it. I think that's been a big part of this. It's been as much of a lesson for me as it has for them and probably more for me, but it goes back to what we've said at the beginning. It's not doing something to them. It's doing something for them and for us.

It puts a lot of meat on these bones of like, you can do anything you put your mind to, you know? It's not like you can be anybody you want to be or anything like that. But it helps us to be able to see their purpose and to see their gifting and to be able to equip them to live in that purpose and gifting, which is probably not the same as yours. [00:29:31]

A lot of it is genetic, but it's going to be different because it's uniquely theirs. And to be able to equip them to live fully and Holy in this is where you are actually setting them up for joy in the midst of toil.

Laura Dugger: Well, and now that some of your children have grown and launched, how do they look back on this experiment?

Kay Wyma: Believe it or not, grateful. Really grateful. And yeah, me too. They really can do this stuff that they look around and a lot of their friends aren't doing. It has turned down the volume on needing to learn things that they've already learned. Just regular things to be able to function in life. So it allows them to do things... It opens your horizons a bit.

I will say this. I really want to point this out. I was talking to a friend of mine the other night because if you have a lot of kids, and even if you don't, you really might have something in your life and then their life that is traumatic. [00:30:37] And so this becomes a nuanced process with a human being that has experienced trauma.

I don't know, Laura, all the answers of how to do that well, because one of our kids had trauma in their life. And so it's a real fine line. It's like, where am I walking alongside? Where am I stepping in? How do I need to step in? Because I know they can't, because the hurt is very loud. And how do we walk through this landscape of hurt?

It could come in the form... you could actually have trauma have happened. You could have a kid with learning differences. You could have a kid that just has sensory issues or anything that makes them different. You can have your child having lived through extreme bullying or whatever it is in their life. There has to be a certain amount of respect given to these things that have a conversation in their thoughts outside of just regular kid stuff. [00:31:40]

That brings a nuance into it that honestly, I did not know when we started this, because I wouldn't have known. But I know now, even walking alongside a young adult going, where's the nuance? Where's the fine line? Always doing that checking. Because no matter what, these people are in your life forever in the greatest way. And it turns into this very genuine walking alongside, which again is such, such a privilege when you can look back and go, they are equipped. They are equipped.

And that's what this experiment was about, was about equipping. Putting tools in their backpack so they could face things in life and see them as opportunities rather than obstacles.

Laura Dugger: I love that you use that word "equipped". I've been reading a little bit in Proverbs this week, and a lot of people are familiar with the Proverbs 31 woman, but I love this Amplified version because I think you trained your kids, you helped equip them. And then it seems like the natural progression is with that discipline and training, that then they know how to equip themselves or be self-disciplined. [00:32:52]

So Proverbs 31:17 says, "She equips herself with strength, spiritual, mental, and physical fitness for her God-given task and makes her arms strong." And I just think this is such a practical example, these 12 things that you focused on that you helped equip your children. And now it sounds like they have the self-discipline and desire to equip themselves, with the Lord's help, of course.

Kay Wyma: Yeah, that's the key, which really is none of our... that's the part where it's the Lord's strength because there goes the mystery, not by strength, not by power, but by my spirit, says the Lord. He's saying that. There comes that mystery part of the unseen that is hard to let go of in your kid's life and also in your own.

But it is this beautiful aspect of like, there is an equipping part and all that comes with it, which isn't just learning how to do something. It's the perseverance. It's the other centeredness that almost comes with every single task that is woven within it too, which I'm convinced is for us. [00:34:01] It's for us. And how would we ever know it if we didn't do them?

Laura Dugger: This book was not the end of your writing journey.

Kay Wyma: No.

Laura Dugger: So where would you direct everyone if they wanted to find or follow you online?

Kay Wyma: Well, you can come to kaywyma.com and be bored because sometimes I write on it and sometimes I don't. I'm just kidding. But I do love Instagram #KayWyma on Instagram. I would love for anybody to come and just... life is so much better together always. And I hope if you connect with anything that I do, that it will be a together walking alongside because we're on this planet together for a reason. Life is better together. [00:34:44]

Laura Dugger: We will certainly link to those places so people can join together and learn more. You may know we're called The Savvy Sauce because "savvy" is synonymous with practical knowledge. And so as my final question for you today, Kay, what is your savvy sauce?

Kay Wyma: Well, I have to say that coming out of this project, the Cleaning House, the experiment to rid our home of youth entitlement, the savvy sauce that I got really was purpose. That every single person is uniquely gifted, like a part of the Lord woven in you that is uniquely yours, that He has given you the purpose in gifting. I love it. I love that for myself because it gives you so much freedom, and I love it for my kids because it really has become a fun game to be able to say, What is your purpose in gifting? And how can we practically equip and learn in that giftedness, having to do all the other stuff too, but to really hone in on this purpose that you've got because the joy that comes with it? [00:35:51] I'm so thankful to have seen that through that process. I'm not sure I would have caught it.

Laura Dugger: Kay, just a few things that I appreciate from today. I think you're so inspiring. I love how this overflow of your sweet relationship with the Lord just comes forth in the way that you parent and your positivity and your enthusiasm and everything that you've shared with us today. I think you've given us a lot of good starting places. And then you've also given us your savvy sauce. You've given us purpose in that, that we know we can do it with the Lord and do it together, and that it really is a blessing in parenting. So thank you for being my guest today.

Kay Wyma: Well, thank you for having me. It's a real pleasure.

Laura Dugger: One more thing before you go. Have you heard the term "gospel" before? It simply means good news. And I want to share the best news with you. But it starts with the bad news. Every single one of us were born sinners and God is perfect and holy, so He cannot be in the presence of sin. [00:36:52] Therefore, we're separated from Him.

This means there's absolutely no chance we can make it to heaven on our own. So for you and for me, it means we deserve death and we can never pay back the sacrifice we owe to be saved. We need a savior. But God loved us so much, He made a way for His only Son to willingly die in our place as the perfect substitute.

This gives us hope of life forever in right relationship with Him. That is good news. Jesus lived the perfect life we could never live and died in our place for our sin. This was God's plan to make a way to reconcile with us so that God can look at us and see Jesus.

We can be covered and justified through the work Jesus finished if we choose to receive what He has done for us. Romans 10:9 says that if you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. [00:37:57]

So would you pray with me now? Heavenly, Father, thank You for sending Jesus to take our place. I pray someone today right now is touched and chooses to turn their life over to You. Will You clearly guide them and help them take their next step in faith to declare You as Lord of their life? We trust You to work and change their lives now for eternity. In Jesus name, we pray, amen.

If you prayed that prayer, you are declaring Him for me, so me for Him, you get the opportunity to live your life for Him.

At this podcast, we are called Savvy for a reason. We want to give you practical tools to implement the knowledge you have learned. So you're ready to get started?

First, tell someone. Say it out loud. Get a Bible. The first day I made this decision my parents took me to Barnes and Noble to get the Quest NIV Bible and I love it. Start by reading the book of John.

Get connected locally, which basically means just tell someone who is part of the church in your community that you made a decision to follow Christ. [00:39:03] I'm assuming they will be thrilled to talk with you about further steps such as going to church and getting connected to other believers to encourage you.

We want to celebrate with you too. So feel free to leave a comment for us if you made a decision for Christ. We also have show notes included where you can read Scripture that describes this process.

Finally, be encouraged. Luke 15:10 says, "In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents." The heavens are praising with you for your decision today.

If you've already received this good news, I pray that you have someone else to share it with today. You are loved and I look forward to meeting you here next time.

Welcome to The Savvy Sauce

Practical chats for intentional living

A faith-based podcast and resources to help you grow closer to Jesus and others. Expect encouragement, surprises, and hope here. Each episode offers lively interviews with fascinating guests such as therapists, authors, non-profit founders, and business leaders.

They share their best practices and savvy tips we can replicate to make our daily life and relationships more enjoyable!